so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
