I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
