he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Rumble strips road head = magical
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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