You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
