The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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