I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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