Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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