Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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