He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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