U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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