you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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