If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Never joke about your clitoris.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize