Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
