maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
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He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
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I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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