Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
