My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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