He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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