We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
