I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
