She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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