Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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