I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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