I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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