i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
