If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
