True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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