I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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