so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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