he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
