i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
