Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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