my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
