what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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