he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
