Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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