I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
