1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
