I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
