there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
