Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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