I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
