Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
PANTIES FOUND
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