my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
