So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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