Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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