I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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