Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
