She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
