My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
