Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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