There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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