So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
