i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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