sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
