Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
