I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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