Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
