I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
