dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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