I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
