my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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