Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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