I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
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and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
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I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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