It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
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she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
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Talking to him sober hurts my brain
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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