I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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