Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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