i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
