if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
