Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
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When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
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I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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