We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
