I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
