You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
