I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i out mim tonsoeep
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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