Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
