I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
