where am i from again
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
