I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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