Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
