I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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