she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
