I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
